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Skepness Man Beauregarde

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Not to be confused with a monster named "Skepness Man" from Invader Zim: Born Again Christian.

Skepness Man Beauregarde is one of the main characters of Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host. Originally introduced as a chronomad who is consistently interviewing the characters, Skepness Man is spotted and "adopted" by Violet Beauregarde, and proceeds to go to Portal High School, there meeting and falling in love with Chell Junor Roberts.


Part of the Beauregarde family
Biological father:
Principal Business Man
Biological mother:
Adoptive parents: Violet Beauregarde
This character:
Skepness Man Beauregarde
Their siblings:
Caroline (half)
Spouse: Chell Junor Roberts
Biological children: Violet Beauregarde, Jr., Charlie Roberts

Marrissaverse Stories 2015 timelineEdit

Part of the Beauregarde family
Biological father:
Principal Business Man
Biological mother:
Adoptive parents: Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce (pretend)
This character:
Skepness Man Lettuce
Their siblings:
Caroline (half)
In a relationship with Jenny Weasley
Biological children: Skepkitty
Spouse: Tiffany Beauregarde
No children known


Skepness Man is the child of Skepkitty and Principal Business Man. In THE MARRISSA GAMES, it is mentioned that Skepkitty and Business Man eventually divorced and that Business Man, angry that he still has to pay Skepkitty child supplement, deliberately designed Marrissa Roberts to look like the girl on fire, as a "take that" on Skepkitty and falmer trollz in general. He appears once again in THE MARRISSA GAMES, where he witnesses Skepkitty blow up and almost immediately after that is blown up himself, but is resurrected by Wheatly (though, in Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, he misattributes the resurrection to Marrissa) and it's presumed that Business Man takes care of him.

In AG 2182, Skepness Man was called by Abraman Linkan to the 413th falmer Hunger Games. During the games, he found a BC Corp sendificator and reverse-engineered it, converting it into a time travel watch. By time-travelling to the past and then to the future, Skepness Man appeared on the organizational HQ of the falmer Hunger Games and killed all the organizers, and took off to the very earliest moment of the Marrissaverse, where he came up with the system Anno Glorii.

After spending a good deal of time in the earliest moments, Skepness Man, having fully established his goals as a "chronomad", began his adventures. They took him to all the major epochs of the Marrissaverse, where, on a few separate occasions, he met the characters of Spectators of the Host. Also, during his trips, he played Sburb Alpha, taking him to an alternate universe, where he learned French and perfected his English. This knowledge allowed him to write Enchiridion Marrissa.

After an elongated sequence of time travels, in his favorite epoch, Portal High School ca. AG 1980, Skepness Man was found by Skepkitty, who announced to him and Business Man that he is now a guy. Distraught, Skepness Man was contacted by "harmlessExcellence" (later revealed as Violet Beauregarde), who took him to her own house in Tbilisi, Georgia, where they proceeded to live and Skepness Man was officially admitted to Portal High School.

Portal High School changed Skepness Man greatly. He became a "fully realized goth emo" and when he started another novel, Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, his writing style became "morbid and existential".

On Portal High School, Skepness Man also first met Chell Junor Roberts. Knowing that she is a powerful human, he ran away as fast as he could. Aranna Sorket proceeded to comfort him. She was also largely involved in getting Skepness Man and Chell Junor to consider the fact that they love each other, which resulted in their wedding at the end of Spectators of the Host.

As well as that, Skepness Man and Chell Junor took over Violet's company, Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry. In The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out, Skepness Man mentions that leveraging various different sections of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry has become difficult, but nevertheless succeeds in making a successful play produced by the company. In the play, Inside Out, he plays the role of Fear, one of Riley Andersen's emotions.

He dies at the premiere of Inside Out. After the play, he is immediately asked by Principal Business Lady about a potential sequel, and once she hears about it, Aranna Sorket begins planning for the sequel, attempting to bring Meanie Pixies and her company from being stuck together with Janet Roberts and her cohorts. Skepness Man tries to stop this, defending what he considers to be the last humans of the Earth, when he is hit on the head with a skateboard thrown by Lately Pirate, which splits his head in half, killing him.

He leaves behind two children from Chell Junor, named Violet Beauregarde, Jr. and Charlie Roberts, who also star in Inside Out, as Riley Andersen herself and her imaginary friend, Bing Bong, respectively. It is also known that Skepness Man and Chell Junor, through Charlie, are the distant ancestors of Janet and Jack London.

Skepness Man LettuceEdit

The fuck is a Beauregarde? What are you trolling me with? I very clearly work with these two people.

- Skepness Man Lettuce, Marrissaverse Stories 2015

In an alternate universe, Skepness Man had not been spotted by Violet. Instead, he was spotted by Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce and decided to become affiliated with them, even going so far as to consider them his parents (even though they would not reciprocate the feelings), henceforth becoming "Skepness Man Lettuce". This also meant that he never entered a relationship with Chell Junor, and thus Janet and Jack no longer exist. This version of Skepness Man appears to be much colder.

This version of Skepness Man appears in HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE, as the author's note for chapter seven of the story states the name "Skepness Man Lettuce". Robot and Roslalonde are using him as an agent, rather than doing the dirty work themselves, and often get mad when he does not do the job as planned; for example, when he is distracted by a pony trafficking scandal during the mission to kill Mr. Sanpe.

He owns a jetpack with which he can travel around space and time, but runs out of fuel for it in London. Therefore, he and Jenny Weasley have to work to get the money for a train ticket to Hogwarts, and in the meantime end up having sex, which leads to Skepkitty being born to Jenny. Then, though, he admits that he already knows who his true love is, and Gobo Fraggle uses a spell on him, transporting him to a yet unspecified point in time. He comes back to save Jenny from Gobo, and leaves once again, thus implying that he will continue to travel in time, unlike his counterpart.

His true love has been deliberately left ambiguous by THE KILL OF SNAPE. This is because Doombly had intended for it to be Chell Junor, which would have contradicted ASBusinessMagnet's continuity. However, Post-SCrash Session (Rectified) implies that his true love is Tiffany Beauregarde, Violet and Biff Tannen's daughter. This romance eventually led Skepness Man to become the ancestor to McJuggerNugget and his family.


Role modelsEdit

In Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, Skepness Man extensively talks about who his role models are. Those include:

  • His father Principal Business Man, turned Principal Business Lady. Skepness Man admires her penchant for education, and how she is able to effectively pass it onto the Portal High School teachers, who in turn pass it onto the students.
  • Candacension Pixies. Skepness Man admires her ability to bring the entire world to order, at least for the first few decades of her rule, as opposed to various other past leaders' ruling of a single country/faction. He considers her to be worth naming "an alternate universe Napoleon Bonaparte".
  • Gloria Deschanel; based on the people from the first few years of Marrissaverse worshiping her, Skepness Man proceeded to invent a calendar system and a religion based on her, called Anno Glorii and "Second Christians" respectively.
  • In an alternate universe, Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce. As mentioned, he considers them to be his adoptive parents, even though they are not, and takes their surname for his own.

Portal High School teachersEdit

Skepness Man performs well academically, and thus manages to impress both Ms. Hart and Mr. Lewis with the knowledge of their subjects. However, Mr. Sanpe takes a much more cautious view towards Skepness Man's knowledge, assuming that he and his writings are a weapon which could be used to destroy the Marrissaverse if it got into the wrong hands. For this reason, Skepness Man has not shared Additional Discoveries with Mr. Sanpe, rather choosing to deliberately imitate his style in the "About the Author" section.

Chell Junor RobertsEdit

Initially, Skepness Man feared Chell Junor due to her being a powerful human and himself being a falmer troll. This caused him to irrationally run away from her. However, Aranna Sorket was able to convince him that perhaps they are feeling love for each other, and they entered a relationship which quickly escalated and culminated with their marriage by the end of Spectators of the Host.

By The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out, set eleven years after Spectators of the Host, Skepness Man and Chell Junor have not shown any signs of breaking up. They continue to collaborate on running Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, as well as writing and directing the play Inside Out.

Aranna SorketEdit

Aranna first learned about Skepness Man back in Belarus, as she had accidentally acquired a copy of Enchiridion Marrissa prior to her journey to the Frog Temple. Therefore, in the main Marrissaverse, she is excited to meet Skepness Man in person, even though he considers her to be just another fan of her work.

Eventually, though, Skepness Man warms up to her, as well as the group of chronomads she founded, The Time Police. As such, she and her team are also invited to act in Inside Out. Despite this, even at the premiere of Inside Out, disagreements between Aranna and Skepness Man occur.

Flashlight GirlEdit

Flashlight Girl is introduced as the opposite of Skepness Man's methods. Initially, he dismisses her, as he is already in a relationship with Chell Junor, but, as Flashlight Girl joins The Time Police, Skepness Man warms up to her as well.


  • In earlier versions of his biography, Skepness Man claimed to have written three works of fiction, known as "Portal: The Fourth-World", "Įstrigę of the Learned" and "The Haunted Herbert". Their names are amalgamations of the names of various works by ASBusinessMagnet, Skepkitty, Rose Lalonde and Roxy Lalonde, namely the Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise, The Half-World, "Įstrigę namuose" lietuviškas vertimas, Complacency of the Learned, The Haunted City and Wizardy Herbert. However, when he actually writes several documentaries, he drops this claim.
  • In Additional Discoveries, it is revealed that in his Sburb Alpha session, he is a Prospit/"Prophet" dreamer. In addition, in Parody of a Parade, it is hinted that he is the Heir of Light.
  • In the MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology, Skepness Man is mentioned by ASBusinessMagnet as her favorite original MarissaTheWriter character, seeing as he "represents what I never got to be".
  • In Spectators of the Host and Parody of a Parade, his name is translated to French and Russian respectively; the French version is "Homme de SkepFaires Beauregarde", while the Russian version is "Скепнис-Мен Боригард".


As the authorEdit


MarrissaTheWriter story characters (v d e)
Real people Doombly (Sue Mary - MarissaTheWriter) - ASBusinessMagnet (Principal Business Lady - Born Again Christian - interdimensionalPortaller) - Skepkitty (fictionalized) - Reel fans (Logic Editor) - Falmer trollz (Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 - Korekara - CadenGallic - Library of the Damned) - Others: Katty Smithereens
Created by Doombly
Protagonists (ITS MY LIFE!) Marrissa Roberts - Wheatly - Chell - Gabe Jonson - Caroline - TEEN FORTRESS 2 (Scot - Pyro - Ingineer) - Ratman
Villains (ITS MY LIFE!) GLaDOS (CHELLGADOS) - Atlas and P-Body - Cave Jonson - The Ultimate Zombee - Assirram Strebor
Supporting cast (ITS MY LIFE!) Companon Coob - Space Core - Rick Core - Oracle Torrent - Gordon Freeman
TEEN FORTRESS 2 Wulf - Katty the Koala - Mr. Pursell - Mr. Sanpe - Principal GLaDOS - Loise Boombooms - Jenny Weasley - Gaz - Abraman Linkan - Redman and Bluman
Born Again Christian Gloria Deschanel - Zim - Gir - Dib - Simon Cowbell - Professor Membrane - Zooey Deschanel - Stephen Merchant - Teen Ragers (Prettydog200 - Loveable Freak) - Nny - Skepness Man
THE MARRISSA GAMES Primrose Everdeen - Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater - Gale Thunderpants - Katniss Everdeen - President Snow - Peacekeepers - Effie Trinket - Haymish Abernathy - Frank Fifteen - Agents J and K - Thomas the Tank Engine - Tributes (Roo - Sweary Guy) - Ceaser the Dog Whisperer - Whip Whittaker - Gamemakers (Sentinel Crane)
Real Beauty Jane Burnham - The Once-ler - Kai Lai
THE KILL OF SNAPE Gobo Fraggle - Iggy and Huey - Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce - Bertha Boombooms - Flyhoof - The Canni-bull - Queen Elizabeth - Taylor Swift
THE FLAMES AWAKENS Riley Andorsen - Sans and Pappyras
Created by ASBusinessMagnet
Pre-Post-SCrash Session Emprase Contone Ovasere - Ross Lavigne - Avril Lavigne - My Chemical Romance (Gerard Way) - Mark Tequila - Aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin (Kanner Sorket)
Post-SCrash Session Janet Roberts - Jack London - Roxa Lavigne - Dick Stiller - Janet's Robrodad - Dick Stiller's GPS Navigation - Candacension Pixies - God Cat - Meanie Pixies' team (Meanie Pixies - Aranna Sorket - Lately Pirate - Cranky Vasquez) - Cherub trollz (Cantaloupe - California) - Detective Pony characters (Anna Halley - Jared Halley)
Spectators of the Host (main) Skepness Man Beauregarde - Violet Beauregarde (1971) - Willy Wanker - Charlie Bucket - Chell Junor Roberts
Spectators of the Host (supporting) Chocolate Factory cast: Loompa-Oompa servants (North Koreans) - Augustus Gloop - Veruca Salt - Mike Teavee - Teachers: Mr. Lewis - Ms. Hart - Welcome to Night Vale: Cecil - Carlos - Others: Leprechauns - Joey Claire - SkyDoesMinecraft - Violet Beauregarde, Jr.
Marrissaverse Stories 2015 The Comcasts - Loreta Alcorn - McJuggerNugget - Marrissa Picard - Albert Dumblydore
Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez - Stephanie Universe
Skepness Man's works Wantagruel Vasebreaker - Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez - Kobito Minano
Created by others
Arrow-Awesome Fact Core - Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Prettydog200 Kitteh - Mary-Sue - JABBY JERRY BERRY

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