Skepness Man Beauregarde is one of the main characters of Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host. Originally introduced as a chronomad who is consistently interviewing the characters, Skepness Man is spotted and "adopted" by Violet Beauregarde, and proceeds to go to Portal High School, there meeting and falling in love with Chell Junor Roberts.
|Part of the Beauregarde family|
Principal Business Man
|Adoptive parents: Violet Beauregarde|
Skepness Man Beauregarde
|Spouse: Chell Junor Roberts|
|Biological children: Violet Beauregarde, Jr., Charlie Roberts|
Marrissaverse Stories 2015 timelineEdit
|Part of the Beauregarde family|
Principal Business Man
|Adoptive parents: Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce (pretend)|
Skepness Man Lettuce
|In a relationship with Jenny Weasley|
|Biological children: Skepkitty|
|Spouse: Tiffany Beauregarde|
|Biological children: (unknown, ancestors to the Ridgway family)|
Skepness Man is the child of Skepkitty and Principal Business Man. In THE MARRISSA GAMES, it is mentioned that Skepkitty and Business Man eventually divorced and that Business Man, angry that he still has to pay Skepkitty child supplement, deliberately designed Marrissa Roberts to look like the girl on fire, as a "take that" on Skepkitty and falmer trollz in general. He appears once again in THE MARRISSA GAMES, where he witnesses Skepkitty blow up and almost immediately after that is blown up himself, but is resurrected by Wheatly (though, in Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, he misattributes the resurrection to Marrissa) and it's presumed that Business Man takes care of him.
In AG 2182, Skepness Man was called by Abraman Linkan to the 413th falmer Hunger Games. During the games, he found a BC Corp sendificator and reverse-engineered it, converting it into a time travel watch. By time-travelling to the past and then to the future, Skepness Man appeared on the organizational HQ of the falmer Hunger Games and killed all the organizers, and took off to the very earliest moment of the Marrissaverse, where he came up with the system Anno Glorii.
After spending a good deal of time in the earliest moments, Skepness Man, having fully established his goals as a "chronomad", began his adventures. They took him to all the major epochs of the Marrissaverse, where, on a few separate occasions, he met the characters of Spectators of the Host. Also, during his trips, he played Sburb Alpha, taking him to an alternate universe, where he learned French and perfected his English. This knowledge allowed him to write Enchiridion Marrissa.
After an elongated sequence of time travels, in his favorite epoch, Portal High School ca. AG 1980, Skepness Man was found by Skepkitty, who announced to him and Business Man that he is now a guy. Distraught, Skepness Man was contacted by "harmlessExcellence" (later revealed as Violet Beauregarde), who took him to her own house in Tbilisi, Georgia, where they proceeded to live and Skepness Man was officially admitted to Portal High School.
Portal High School changed Skepness Man greatly. He became a "fully realized goth emo" and when he started another novel, Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, his writing style became "morbid and existential".
On Portal High School, Skepness Man also first met Chell Junor Roberts. Knowing that she is a powerful human, he ran away as fast as he could. Aranna Sorket proceeded to comfort him. She was also largely involved in getting Skepness Man and Chell Junor to consider the fact that they love each other, which resulted in their wedding at the end of Spectators of the Host.
As well as that, Skepness Man and Chell Junor took over Violet's company, Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry. In The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out, Skepness Man mentions that leveraging various different sections of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry has become difficult, but nevertheless succeeds in making a successful play produced by the company. In the play, Inside Out, he plays the role of Fear, one of Riley Andersen's emotions.
He dies at the premiere of Inside Out. After the play, he is immediately asked by Principal Business Lady about a potential sequel, and once Aranna Sorket hears about it, she begins planning for the sequel, attempting to bring Meanie Pixies and her company from being stuck together with Janet Roberts and her cohorts. Skepness Man tries to stop this, defending what he considers to be the last humans of the Earth, when he is hit on the head with a skateboard thrown by Lately Pirate, which splits his head in half, killing him.
He leaves behind two children from Chell Junor, named Violet Beauregarde, Jr. and Charlie Roberts, who also star in Inside Out, as Riley Andersen herself and her imaginary friend, Bing Bong, respectively. It is also known that Skepness Man and Chell Junor, through Charlie, are the distant ancestors of Janet and Jack London.
Skepness Man LettuceEdit
The fuck is a Beauregarde? What are you trolling me with? I very clearly work with these two people.
- - Skepness Man Lettuce, Marrissaverse Stories 2015
In an alternate universe, Skepness Man had not been spotted by Violet. Instead, he was spotted by Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce and decided to become affiliated with them, even going so far as to consider them his parents (even though they would not reciprocate the feelings), henceforth becoming "Skepness Man Lettuce". This also meant that he never entered a relationship with Chell Junor, and thus Janet and Jack no longer exist. This version of Skepness Man appears to be much colder.
This version of Skepness Man appears in HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE, as the author's note for Chapter 7 of the story states the name "Skepness Man Lettuce". Robot and Roslalonde are using him as an agent, rather than doing the dirty work themselves, and often get mad when he does not do the job as planned; for example, when he is distracted by a pony trafficking scandal during the mission to kill Mr. Sanpe.
He owns a jetpack with which he can travel around space and time, but runs out of fuel for it in London. Therefore, he and Jenny Weasley have to work to get the money for a train ticket to Hogwarts, and in the meantime end up having sex, which leads to Skepkitty being born to Jenny. Then, though, he admits that he already knows who his true love is, and Gobo Fraggle uses a spell on him, transporting him to a yet unspecified point in time. He comes back to save Jenny from Gobo, and leaves once again, thus implying that he will continue to travel in time, unlike his counterpart.
His true love has been deliberately left ambiguous by THE KILL OF SNAPE. This is because Doombly had intended for it to be Chell Junor, which would have contradicted ASBusinessMagnet's continuity. However, Post-SCrash Session (Rectified) implies that his true love is Tiffany Beauregarde, Violet and Biff Tannen's daughter. This romance eventually led Skepness Man to become the ancestor to McJuggerNugget and his family.
In Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, Skepness Man extensively talks about who his role models are. Those include:
- His father Principal Business Man, turned Principal Business Lady. Skepness Man admires her penchant for education, and how she is able to effectively pass it onto the Portal High School teachers, who in turn pass it onto the students.
- Candacension Pixies. Skepness Man admires her ability to bring the entire world to order, at least for the first few decades of her rule, as opposed to various other past leaders' ruling of a single country/faction. He considers her to be worth naming "an alternate universe Napoleon Bonaparte".
- Gloria Deschanel; based on the people from the first few years of Marrissaverse worshiping her, Skepness Man proceeded to invent a calendar system and a religion based on her, called Anno Glorii and "Second Christians" respectively.
- In an alternate universe, Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce. As mentioned, he considers them to be his adoptive parents, even though they are not, and takes their surname for his own.
Portal High School teachersEdit
Skepness Man performs well academically, and thus manages to impress both Ms. Hart and Mr. Lewis with the knowledge of their subjects. However, Mr. Sanpe takes a much more cautious view towards Skepness Man's knowledge, assuming that he and his writings are a weapon which could be used to destroy the Marrissaverse if it got into the wrong hands. For this reason, Skepness Man has not shared Additional Discoveries with Mr. Sanpe, rather choosing to deliberately imitate his style in the "About the Author" section.
Skepness Man and Chell Junor actually were first together in one place at the end of THE MARRISSA GAMES, after Wheatly had cast his spell. However, they don't interact, and it appears that, at that point, Skepness Man is older than Chell Junor, speaking in full sentences while Chell Junor struggles to make noises; this is despite them graduating on the same year.
Initially at Portal High School, Skepness Man feared Chell Junor due to her being a powerful human and himself being a falmer troll. This caused him to irrationally run away from her. However, Aranna Sorket was able to convince him that perhaps they are feeling love for each other, and they entered a relationship which quickly escalated and culminated with their marriage by the end of Spectators of the Host.
By The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out, set eleven years after Spectators of the Host, Skepness Man and Chell Junor have not shown any signs of breaking up. They continue to collaborate on running Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, as well as writing and directing the play Inside Out. After his death, Chell Junor is shown to miss him, becoming a goth emo herself.
The Time PoliceEdit
Prior to forming the Time Police, all of its members, Aranna Sorket, Cranky Vasquez and Joey Claire, were aware of Skepness Man in some way. Namely, Aranna first learned about Skepness Man back in Belarus, as she had accidentally acquired a copy of Enchiridion Marrissa prior to her journey to the Frog Temple. Therefore, in the main Marrissaverse, she is excited to meet Skepness Man in person, even though he considers her to be just another fan of her work.
In a similar vein, Skepness Man acknowledges Cranky as his cousin, but admits that the common personalities may be a coincidence. Joey, who was introduced to the Marrissaverse as the opposite of Skepness Man's methods, also seeks his counsel, but initially, he dismisses her, as he is already in a relationship with Chell Junor.
Eventually, though, as the Time Police is founded, Skepness Man warms up to them all. As such, they all are also invited to act in Inside Out as emotions alongside himself and Chell Junor, with Aranna playing Sadness, Cranky playing Anger and Joey playing Disgust. Despite this, even at the premiere of Inside Out, disagreements between Aranna and Skepness Man occur and eventually lead to Skepness Man's death at the hands of Lately Pirate, one of Aranna's friends, as well as the death of Joey at the hands of a riot that had formed.
After their deaths, Skepness Man and Joey are resurrected in Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry as a fusion known as SkepneLight (derived partially from Joey's nickname, "Flashlight Girl"). Even though they occupy a single body, their personalities remain distinct and separate, as Skepness Man still acts as the CEO of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, while Joey is disappointed to appear in Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez's mind. In addition, SkepneLight is never seen together with Aranna or Cranky.
- In earlier versions of his biography, Skepness Man claimed to have written three works of fiction, known as "Portal: The Fourth-World", "Įstrigę of the Learned" and "The Haunted Herbert". Their names are amalgamations of the names of various works by ASBusinessMagnet, Skepkitty, Rose Lalonde and Roxy Lalonde, namely the Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise, The Half-World, "Įstrigę namuose" lietuviškas vertimas, Complacency of the Learned, The Haunted City and Wizardy Herbert. However, when he actually writes several documentaries, he drops this claim.
- In Additional Discoveries, it is revealed that in his Sburb Alpha session, he is a Prospit/"Prophet" dreamer. In addition, in Parody of a Parade, it is hinted that he is the Heir of Light. This coincides with ASBusinessMagnet testing out for Prospit and the Light aspect on the official Homestuck Extended Zodiac test.
- In the MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology, Skepness Man is mentioned by ASBusinessMagnet as her favorite original MarissaTheWriter character, seeing as he "represents what I never got to be". Furthermore, ASBusinessMagnet has claimed that Skepness Man is her self-insert, despite originally not being conceived as one.
- In Spectators of the Host and Parody of a Parade, his name is translated to French and Russian respectively; the French version is "Homme de SkepFaires Beauregarde", while the Russian version is "Скепнис-Мен Боригард".
- THE MARRISSA GAMES (First appearance)
- Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens (Mentioned only)
- Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host (First named "Skepness Man Beauregarde")
- Post-SCrash Session 4: Parody of a Parade
- HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE (First appears as "Skepness Man Lettuce")
- Marrissaverse Stories 2015
- The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out
- Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame
- Enchiridion Marrissa
- Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History
- English Grammar for Homo Desapientis
- The Blueberry's Child
- Our Joint Story (ghostwritten for Willy Wanker and Violet Beauregarde/Marrissa Roberts)