Not to be confused with the alternate version of Business Man from Invader Zim: Born Again Christian.

Principal Business Lady is a principal of Portal High School. She is first seen in TEEN FORTRESS 2, after Principal GLaDOS dies and is replaced with her.


Part of the Jonson family
Biological father:
Cakeman Vasquez
Biological mother:
Queen Eggert
This character:
Principal Business Lady
Their siblings:
Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez
Spouse: Skepkitty (divorced)
Biological children: Skepness Man
Spouse: Principal GLaDOS (deceased)
Biological children: Caroline
Adoptive children: Emprase Contone Ovasere (after Principal GLaDOS's death)


As Business ManEdit

Business Man chronologically first appears in THE MARRISSA GAMES, where he is seen as the booty salonist. Stemming from the previous fanfic written by MarrissaTheWriter, Invader Zim: Born Again Christian, it appears he had married Skepkitty and that together they had a child Skepness Man, but eventually they divorced and Business Man became a reel fan. He is in charge of preparing Marrissa Roberts for the Games, and came up with the idea of making her the girl on fire, as a "take that" on Skepkitty and falmer trollz in general. He also takes up the candle of prepping Pimprose Evergreen and Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater; what happened to their prep teams' leaders, Seena and Porshe, is unclear.

Later, after spending a good deal of time in the Capitol, Business Man went back in time to AG 1978 and became the principal of Portal High School, replacing Mr. Sanpe. Thus, Mr. Sanpe was angry at him and Principal Business Man's IQ level started to decline. In Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host, he expresses great interest in time travel, as he installs a button allowing Willy Wanker's glass elevator to travel in time. He also, when slipping up, accidentally says that he and Violet Beauregarde knew each other from childhood.

In two closely interrelated fanfics, TEEN FORTRESS 2 and Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition (of which he is the main character), Portal High School had completely gotten to him. He married Gluttony Magnolia, and together they had a daughter Caroline, but in the beginning of Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition his wife suddenly became Principal GLaDOS, causing him to step down. He also has written a time travel exam, which he proceeds to give to Ingineer, as well as a fanfic series, named "Portol The 4th Millennia", which becomes the basis of him being accepted as part of the semi-permeable extension to the TEEN FORTRESS 2. The stories, much later, were also revered by Janet Roberts, when she looked up to her ancestors.

In a scene of Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition, he briefly time-travels to the future, seeing Portal Labs and being killed and resurrected by GLaDOS.

After Principal GLaDOS is killed, he becomes the principal again. His second term isn't as elaborate as his first term, but it is revealed that he re-constructed Portal High School into a semi-sentient rocket-shooting robot to be defended against Caroline's evil form GLaDOS. During this period, he also adopted Emprase Contone Ovasere.

After serving his term as the principal, he was dethroned and killed by Principal InterdimensionalPortaller. Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition insists that he and Principal GLaDOS, after the founding of Portal Labs, became Atlas and P-Body.

As Business LadyEdit

After ASBusinessMagnet came out, the first appearance of Business Lady is in HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE, set during Principal GLaDOS's term. She has found out that Caroline has posted nude pics of herself on MySpace, and immediately grounds her.

Business Lady also appears in Marrissaverse Stories 2015. The fanfic claims that Business Lady came out because her transgender friend, Loreta Alcorn, committed suicide on January 13, AG 1991 (seven years before the events of TEEN FORTRESS 2), but is still called by "she/her" pronouns in the story, which takes place in AG 1985.

In Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame, she is first shown asking for a sequel to Inside Out from Skepness Man. Later, however, she is shown to have a disagreement with Marrissa Roberts, as well as an allegiance with Pokémon Go's Team Mystic.


  • In the Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise, the Aperture Science Business Magnet is a time traveller from the 21st century who settles in the 31st century and becomes the leader of Aperture Science, alongside his wife GL@DDA Magnet. Some of this history has been preserved in the Marrissaverse, in the form of Principal Business Man travelling from the era of THE MARRISSA GAMES to the past and marrying Principal GLaDOS.
  • In Logic Editor's editing, Business Man is named "Principal Business Magnet" and appears to have a different personality from his canon self. It is presumed that Logic thinks that ASBusinessMagnet actually acts like that.
  • In Post-SCrash Session, he has a story attributed to him named "Portal 2: The Stupidest Seek-will of All Time". In fact, this is based on ASBusinessMagnet authoring the fanfic Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time; "seekwill" is a common MarrissaTheWriter way of spelling "sequel".
    • However, in Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition, authorship of "Portol 2 De Most Idiotik Seekwilk of Akk Time" is attributed to "da reel Business Man", i.e. the real-life ASBusinessMagnet.
  • According to Gir, Business Man "americans", contradicting ASBusinessMagnet's Lithuanian origins.


MarissaTheWriter story characters (v d e)
Based on real people
Real people Doombly - ASBusinessMagnet - Arrow-Awesome - Logic Editor - Skepkitty - Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 - Prettydog200 - Korekara - Loveable Freak - CadenGallic - Library of the Damned
Fabricated people Sue Mary - MarissaTheWriter - Katty Smithereens - interdimensionalPortaller
Self-inserts Principal Business Lady - Business Man (IZ:BAC) - Skepkitty - Falmer trollz - Reel fans - Teen Ragers
Created by Doombly
ITS MY LIFE! (protagonists) Marrissa Roberts - Wheatly - Chell - Gabe Jonson - Caroline - TEEN FORTRESS 2 (Scot - Pyro - Ingineer) - Ratman
ITS MY LIFE! (villains) GLaDOS - Atlas and P-Body - Cave Jonson - CHELLGADOS - The Ultimate Zombee - Assirram Strebor
ITS MY LIFE! (supporting) Companon Coob - Space Core - Rick Core - Oracle Torrent - Gordon Freeman
TEEN FORTRESS 2 Wulf - Katty the Koala - Mr. Pursell - Mr. Sanpe - Principal GLaDOS - Loise Boombooms - Jenny Weasley - Gaz - Abraman Linkan - Redman and Bluman
Born Again Christian Gloria Deschanel - Zim - Gir - Dib - Simon Cowbell - Professor Membrane - Zooey Deschanel - Stephen Merchant - Nny - Skepness Man
THE MARRISSA GAMES (main) Pimprose Evergreen - Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater - Gale Thunderpants - President Snow - Haymish Abernathy - Whip Whittaker - Gamemakers
THE MARRISSA GAMES (supporting) Kantiss Evergreen - Peacekeepers - Effie Trinket - Frank Fifteen - Agents J and K - Thomas the Tank Engine - Tributes (Roo - Sweary Guy) - Ceaser the Dog Whisperer - Sentinel Crane
Real Beauty Jane Burnham - The Once-ler - Kai Lai
THE KILL OF SNAPE Hermoany Stranger - Gobo Fraggle - Iggy and Huey - Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce - Bertha Boombooms - Flyhoof - The Canni-bull - Queen Elizabeth - Taylor Swift
THE FLAMES AWAKENS Riley Andorsen - Sans and Pappyras
Created by ASBusinessMagnet
Pre-Post-SCrash Session Emprase Contone Ovasere - Ross Lavigne - Avril Lavigne - Gerard Way - Mark Tequila - Kanner Sorket
Post-SCrash Session series (main) The Alpha Kids (Janet Roberts - Jack London - Roxa Lavigne - Dick Stiller) - Candacension Pixies - Meanie Pixies - The Time Police (Aranna Sorket - Cranky Vasquez - Joey Claire) - Lately Pirate
Post-SCrash Session (supporting) Janet's Robrodad - Dick Stiller's GPS Navigation - God Cat - Meanie Pixies' team - Cherub trollz (Cantaloupe - California)
Spectators of the Host (main) Skepness Man Beauregarde - Violet Beauregarde - Willy Wanker - Charlie Bucket - The fake Violet - Chell Junor Roberts
Spectators of the Host (supporting) Leprechauns - Loompa-Oompa servants - Mr. Lewis - Augustus Gloop - Veruca Salt - Mike Teavee - North Koreans - Violet Beauregarde, Jr. - Ms. Hart - Cecil - Carlos - SkyDoesMinecraft
Marrissaverse Stories 2015 The Comcasts - Loreta Alcorn - McJuggerNugget - Marrissa Picard - Albert Dumblydore
Hour of Fame Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez - Stephanie Universe - Alphas
Skepness Man's works Jared Halley - Wantagruel Vasebreaker - Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez - Kobito Minano
Created by others
Arrow-Awesome Fact Core - Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Prettydog200 Kitteh - Mary-Sue - JABBY JERRY BERRY