Portla 3 was the second fan story written for ITS MY LIFE! by Arrow-Awesome. The fic was to be a detective story.


Marissa Roberts has been happily living with Wheatly and their daughter. However, one day Marissa finds Wheatly broken. She originally attempts to use her detective power to find out the killer, but realizes her powers disappeared since the incident. As such, she hires a private detective, Mr. Kirkland.

Around the same time, Marissa is messaged by Skepkitty. Skepkitty didn't kill Wheatly, but has been working to resolve the mystery independently. Skepkitty tells Marissa she has nailed it to 5 suspects, but finds that one of the files is removed. Just as then, ASBusinessMagnet and Logic Editor come to Skepkitty's house and ASBusinessMagnet shoots Skepkitty, leading her wife GLaDOS to self-destruct.

Back outside, Marissa is met by Mr. Kirkland again. Mr. Kirkland claims that he saw the file before it was deleted, and they plan on meeting up with the suspect in Hogwarts. Unfortunately, the fic ends here as Arrow-Awesome removed it, but she has summarized what she planned to write next: (Slightly edited)

"The idea was that the killer was Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Ebony targeted Marissa out of jealousy because Marissa had hooked up with Wheatley (previously known as Harry "Vampire" Potter). But she was also jealous because Marissa was close to living up to her legacy as a Sue. It turns out that Ebony kills anyone that tries to beat her and reveals that she killed her cousin, Twila. (From Twila, The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre)

Ebony killed Wheatley for two reasons: according to her, he "Be a stoopid lil bitch an hook up with a prep poser bitch lik u and turn unto a robot" and, as she tells Marissa, the easiest way to kill a Sue is to kill someone they love, which takes their powers away. Ebony says that ASBusinessMagnet and Logic were working with her to keep balance, because if Ebony was overthrown, the world of fanfiction would be destroyed, and that Skepkitty would help all Mary Sues targeted by Ebony because she believed that Ebony needed to be replaced, not knowing the consequences.

Ebony holds a razor to Marissa's neck saying "N e last words, bitch?" Marissa digs into her pockets and pulls out a bottle (that Mr. Kirkland gave her, saying it would make her sexy) and splashes the liquid contents on Ebony's head. Ebony screams and shouts "wtf! wat u do to me?"; turns out it was blonde hair dye. Ebony retreats saying that she'll kill her when it washes out, but it was permanent. In the epilogue she commits sewiside.

Marissa decides to stop her adventuring for fear that she'll become a bigger Sue than Ebony and destroy the world of fanfiction. After Ebony is defeated, Hogwarts becomes normal again. Meanwhile in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff everyone shouts "What the hell just happened?!"

Meanwhile at G3

"And that's the plot for Portal 3. Any questions?" said Gabe Newell."

MarrissaTheWriter stories (v d e)
Doombly Sue Mary fanfics - ITS MY LIFE! - TEEN FORTRESS 2 - Invader Zim: Born Again Christian - THE MARRISSA GAMES - Real Beauty - HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE - ITS MY LIFE!: THE FLAMES AWAKENS
ASBusinessMagnet Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition - OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALEEYEN! - Post-SCrash Session - Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens - Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host - Dick Stiller and Roxa Lavigne's Time Travellegiance - Post-SCrash Session 4: Parody of a Parade - Marrissaverse Stories 2015 - The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out - Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame
Arrow-Awesome MarissaxChell - Portla 3
WheatleysGurl The Chronicles of DA SUs
In-universe Pony Pals: Detective Pony - Enchiridion Marrissa - Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History
Other / Non-trollfics Various other stories (Marissa Roberts: The Girl Behind The Stories - Lion 3: Straight to Trollfic) - Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer - Living Someone Else's Life - MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology

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