Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition (in its original form most often named PORTOL THE 4TH MILLENNIA, existing on Google Docs under the title Marrissa's Third (Fourth?) Story (Fake)) is the first officially listed trollfic written by ASBusinessMagnet. It follows Principal Business Man in Portal High School, around the time of TEEN FORTRESS 2.


Principal Business Man has been living together with Gluttony Magnolia and their daughter Caroline. Gluttony, in particular, isn't too happy about what's happening, so Principal Business Man has been staying at Portal High School, rather than his own home, in the later chapters dubbed "Blue Portals Development Center".

The day the story starts, Business Man has been observing an evil gang, TEEN FORTRESS 2, about to destroy Portal High School. One of its members, the Demonman, plays a prank on Business Man, stuffing his pockets with drugs and beer. The drugs and beer promptly convert Gluttony to Principal GLaDOS, who takes the throne of Portal High School from Principal Business Man.

The next day, Business Man comes to Portal High School as a Physics teacher. Principal GLaDOS brings two students, Harry "Wheatly" Potter and Jenny Weasley, to Portal High School, and, as per her new "one student in, one student out" rule, kicks Zim and Dib out to the underground classrooms. Zim and Dib proceed to have a battle which leads them to the future in Portal Labs, where Dib is deafened and Zim escapes to outer space, where he is mocked by the Irken leaders.

Back in Portal High School, Mr. Sanpe has been getting worse than ever, killing the principal of "Hogwortc" and attempting to kill Business Man. Business Man returns to his home, confident that his robotic teacher will explain the lesson, but it continues delivering the lesson throughout the night, and hence Business Man disposes of it.

Noticing that it is Saturday and the Christmas holidays are beginning, Business Man stays in Portal High School, where he comes up with the fanfics' equivalent of the Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise. After relaying to Zim's robot Gir that Zim has gone, Business Man is met by Caroline, who reveals that Principal GLaDOS has been abusive throughout the season.

Meanwhile, the situation of TEEN FORTRESS 2 worsens throughout the months. One day in particular, Dib's sister Gaz tries to inquire about Business Man's well-being when TEEN FORTRESS 2 takes them away, revealing that they, together with Business Man, Gabe Jonson and Caroline, have founded "the extended gang of TEEN FORTRESS 2", primarily based on Business Man's writing. Business Man moves to the underground part of Portal High School, and concludes that life is going to be happier.

Still the next day, Gir appears once again, but now she is a human girl. Business Man gives another TEEN FORTRESS 2 member, the Ingineer, a time travel exam, which he passes with an A+, and then Ingineer reveals that Gir's conversion is the doing of Cave Jonson, Gabe's evil twin. Cave snuck into Gir's house with Gir assuming he was from the pizza delivery, and promptly converted Gir and took her to Portal High School, where he pretended that Gir is his girlfriend. After Cave is expelled (and Gir frequently mentions that everyone "americaned"), Cave and Gir have sex.

The next day, Scot comes along to Portal High School. He is a baseball player, and TEEN FORTRESS 2 accepts him as the ninth member of the gang. Principal GLaDOS also mentions Business Man that a senior graduation party is going to be at their house, and Business Man agrees to come.

Later still, Business Man is met by Atlas and P-Body, who threaten him and Principal GLaDOS, but Cave Jonson successfully saves them by distracting the robots. Then, Business Man notices that Wheatly hasn't been coming to Portal High School, and sets off to the future, noting that the situation is similar to that in Homestuck.

In the future, the computer GLaDOS greets Business Man and leads him to the relax hotel, where he finds Wheatly with Marrissa Roberts. After being disturbed by Marrissa and Wheatly doing sex, Business Man is accidentally killed via neurotoxin (and promptly resurrected) by GLaDOS. Business Man, while doing tests and killing Companon Coob, accidentally finds an Avril Lavigne CD, which he puts on, converting GLaDOS to a goth emo. He then rides Atlas and P-Body back to Portal High School, where Caroline repeats the offer of the senior graduation party.

The plot from then on roughly follows that of TEEN FORTRESS 2: Principal GLaDOS is shot by Cave Jonson, Business Man returns to being the principal of Portal High School, Marrissa arrives from the future, Caroline, Cave and Spy all die, Caroline is put into the computer GLaDOS and Assirram Strebor is created, sent into the future, returns from the future and dies at Marrissa's hands, and lastly Gabe renames himself to Cave.

However, a different subplot arises: Principal Business Man has been rebuilding the building of Portal High School to be an independent rocket, and has also bought Zim's Voot Cruiser from Gir, who was in a tight financial situation. Alongside with the final fight between Scot and his brothers, another final fight occurs between Portal High School and GLaDOS, in which Principal Business Man plays a vital role, circling around the moon and making the rocket follow the Voot Cruiser, rather than Portal High School. While Principal Business Man is comforted by his family, the story's section ends.

Fast forward to 10 years later, Gir, despite being separated from Zim, has gotten a job in the pizza delivery and gotten back her Voot, and Cave has founded a shower curtain company named Aperture Science, but still wants the brand of Portal Labs. After Principal Business Man refuses to sell Portal High School, Cave, together with GLaDOS, agree to take over Portal High School along with its entire city, Cave becomes the leader of Portal Labs and Principal Business Man, along with the corpse of Principal GLaDOS, are converted to Atlas and P-Body, closing the story.

Extra chaptersEdit

Three extra chapters exist in addition to the main story. One of them is under the title of a seriously written ASBusinessMagnet fanfic, The Co-op Bots, and two are under the title Invader Zim: Born Again Christian. They follow Principal Business Man's adoptive daughter, Emprase Contone Ovasere.

Contone first learns that GLaDOS is working on Atlas and P-Body. Her first resort is to call her friend Winson Smote, but as he is in a different reality, he is unable to help her. Then Contone takes a time motorcycle and drives around different epochs. However, it ends up badly for her, as she runs into Marrissa, who, after Contone asks her to rebuild Atlas and P-Body, kills her.

Contone hence appears in Android Hell. It appears to be a dream world, so Contone conjures her motorcycle and ends up in a world similar to that of the Terminator, where she drives over Chuck Norris. She then goes through Portal Labs, killing Marrissa, Wheatly, Chell Junor and Ratman, and goes to the Moon. After picking up supplies from the Moon, she returns to the Earth, at Skaianet, where she picks up uranium and goes to Portal High School, but then she finds that it was actually named "The Skool". Principal Business Man's house is also nonexistent, and Robot Membrone, a resurrected version of Professor Membrone, lives where GLaDOS's lair was. Professor Membrone then converts Contone into his new "daughter" Daz Membrone, and hands her floating time machine boots, which she uses to travel further through the world of Invader Zim: Born Again Christian.

However, seeing as Contone, now Daz Membrone is a ghost, she is unable to interact with other people. Hence, she time-travels further, first to the land of the Indians, who take Daz Membrone's technology and ruin the time stream, then to the land of dinosaurs, where Daz once again sees Marrissa and Assirram, and lastly the Death Star, with which Daz destroys the Earth. Daz then teams up with the Irkens, taking over the whole universe, and the fanfic ends with a note that for Zim, things were a bit pear-shaped.

MarissaTheWriter stories (v d e)
ASBusinessMagnet Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition - OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALEEYEN! - Post-SCrash Session - Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens - Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host - Dick Stiller and Roxa Lavigne's Time Travellegiance - Post-SCrash Session 4: Parody of a Parade - Marrissaverse Stories 2015 - The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out - Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame
Arrow-Awesome MarissaxChell - Portla 3
WheatleysGurl The Chronicles of DA SUs
In-universe Pony Pals: Detective Pony - Enchiridion Marrissa - Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History
Other / Non-trollfics Various other stories (Marissa Roberts: The Girl Behind The Stories - Lion 3: Straight to Trollfic) - Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer - Living Someone Else's Life - MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology

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