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Merry end of Homestuck, everyone. You're welcome.
- - ASBusinessMagnet, in a Seriously Written Note concluding Chapter 1
Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame is ASBusinessMagnet's ninth trollfic. Its central focus is Meanie Pixies, the main character of Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens and the co-leader of a team of twelve aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin from Belarus, after the team is reassembled.
Plot
Meanie Pixies begins her narration normally, but quickly decides to revise the title of the story to Meanie Pixies' Bitching Hour and the title of Chapter 1 from "Principal Business Lady's Legacy" to "Some Stupid Play by Some Stupid Human that Some Other Stupid Human Attended", in reference to Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry's Inside Out and Janet Roberts, whose name Meanie is unable to mention due to the curse binding the two to a single body, placed by Candacension Pixies.
Because of this curse, Janet has shown up more in Marrissa's stories, ensuing in both Marrissa's and Meanie's dismay. That, however, changes at the premiere of Inside Out in the City of Portal High School Center of Culture on August 14, AG 1991, covered previously in The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out. Up until the closing curtains, the premiere goes smoothly, but after it, drama ensues.
The drama begins with an innocent question to Skepness Man Beauregarde from Principal Business Lady, asking when Inside Out 2 is going to be produced. Aranna Sorket then steps up to the lead, briefly giving away that the sequel is going to focus on the emotions of Riley's boyfriend, played by (and misnamed by Aranna as) Logic Editor. However, his emotions are not yet cast, and Aranna plans to call back Meanie, along with Merlin LeJoin, Whores the Hock and Chronos Ampersand, who at the time were posing as Janet, Dick Stiller, Roxa Lavigne and Jack London respectively.
Aranna attempts to say the names of Meanie, Merlin, Whores and Chronos, but then is stopped by Skepness Man, who defends what he calls "the last humans of the Earth". Just then, Lately Pirate throws a skateboard at Skepness Man's head, splitting it in half and killing him. The same skateboard also hits Skepness Man and Chell Junor's daughter and the actress for Riley Andersen in Inside Out, Violet Beauregarde, Jr. This causes a general havoc, culminating with Chell Junor Roberts, Skepness Man's wife, destroying City of Portal High School Center of Culture. In the riot, Flashlight Girl also dies.
Aranna reveals that she played Sgrub and that she has gone God Tier, and proceeds to raise herself in the air. She then successfully calls out for Meanie, Merlin, Whores and Chronos, and raises them in the air, as well as Lately, Cranky Vasquez and two humans, much to the surprise of the aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin: Janet and Dick's daughter, Bertha Stiller, and Roxa and Jack's daughter, Louise London.
This team then departs from the city of Portal High School using The Time Police's car (likely some incarnation of either the delirious time car or Skepness Man's rusty BMW). After departure, they also pick up the other Belorussian aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin from other times, and the complete team heads to the universe where Belarus used to be, in the way passing a ghost army by "Meenah Peixes", whom Meanie recognizes as her alternate.
However, when they arrive, Belarus itself is nowhere to be found; it was blown up by a bomb intended to explode the Frog Temple by Meanie, which was redirected by Cranky, and is now a ring system orbiting Belarus's star. Neither Cranky nor Aranna really have anything to offer, and Meanie takes it upon herself to piece back Belarus, calling her result "Belarus Nouveau". This results in Belarus being reconstructed exactly as it used to be, but with no lifeforms present.
While in Belarus Nouveau, Meanie decides to visit her own and Luminescence Pixies' former house. As it is underwater, Meanie thus successfully temporarily ditches their team, but decides that she wants to get back to them because she thinks hanging out in ruins is boring. During her course, however, she is met by a person claiming that Meanie is "Candacension Pixies" and that the planet is really named "Altair". Meanie leaves him behind, but he follows her until she meets her former gang, at which point she kills him.
However, after killing him, a part of his life essence transfers to Meanie, and she herself begins claiming that she is Candacension. She also decides to rename the other members of her team.
Before then, though, the point of view switches to Bertha Stiller. She roughly tells the tale of how she and Louise lived in AG 1991 prior to Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl's death, and then retells events as per above, continuing to narrate as Meanie/Candacension decides on some of her renames: for example, Aranna becomes "Markers Spin Around Windfang", while Lately becomes "Neopet Radglare" and Cranky becomes "Surfer Sinless". Lastly, after Candacension has done renaming all the trolls, she turns to Bertha and Louise, for whom she decides on the surname Boombooms, making their full names "Bertha" and "Louise Boombooms". Then, Candacension realizes that Bertha is currently narrating and tries to take the narration from her, only for her to make a switch to Chell Junor.
At the time, Chell Junor is still getting over Skepness Man's death. This requires Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry to be under new management, with two known employees being Linux Travolta and Stephanie Universe. However, at one point Chell Junor realizes that she can recruit Linux and Stephanie to "rebuild" Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl, and the three begin working on the project.
The story then goes back to Candacension and Bertha. Candacension is mad that Bertha has stolen the narration from her, and furthermore, when Louise and Bertha board the Time Police's car, Windfang gets mad, before refusing to own the name and becoming Aranna again. Louise and Bertha then proceed to trick the candy corn aliens with various tricks using the Time Police's car, before setting off back to their original residence, Portal High School in AG 1991.
At the time, Principal Business Lady has gotten into a predicament with Marrissa Roberts, which caused her to stay by Marrissa's house, along with various other people whom Bertha and Louise do not recognize; they identify themselves as "the Lettucest fandom", named after Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce. As they insult Business Lady, she reveals Pokémon Go, a smartphone game that requires people to walk around while dividing them into teams. The tension further rises as it turns out Business Lady and Caroline belong to Team Mystic, while the bypassers and what appears to be Marrissa, but male, belong to Team Valor. The male then discusses how Marrissa used her "last speshul power" to make herself young again, but in the process became male and subsequently lost Marrissa's powers, before proclaiming his name: Insane Guy of DOOM.
At the point, the story cuts to an intermission, styled after essays that ASBusinessMagnet has written in Reddit, on a subreddit belonging to Inside Out. In the essay, ASBusinessMagnet pauses at the revelation of Insane Guy of DOOM and the possibility of him being a villain, before going over each MarrissaTheWriter story sequentially and analyzing the progressive blurring of the line between hero and villain, as more and more rules are broken. The essay concludes with another change of the title of this fanfic, this time to Meanie Pixies' Quest for Narration, and a final decision that the story is simply pushing various literary boundaries, as is the case with previous Marrissa stories, most notably Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host. At the end of the essay, Candacension and Aranna make their comments; Candacension is horrified by the sheer length of the essay, while Aranna further continues the development of Inside Out 2.
The story then cuts back to Bertha, who has revealed that she had actually been narrating the previous chapter in the third person, while still having the narrating capabilities. She thus listens to what Insane Guy of DOOM has to say, before Business Lady and Caroline go on their Pokémon Go adventure and the Lettucest fandom is led to Portal High School, where "Temporary Principal Glaveria Mellark" is in charge, Bertha and Louise, too young to be Portal High School students, instead leave for a bigger city and head to its mall.
While Louise is acting modest around mirrors, Bertha goes to the TV section, where she turns on HBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. John Oliver proceeds to deliver a news segment on "fusions", which cuts to Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, leading Bertha to make the narrative switch as well. At the scene, the fake Violet appears, leading Stephanie to combust, leaving two children in her place. Chell Junor immediately assumes that they're Steven Universe and Connie "I Can't Spell an Indian Name to Save My Life" from Steven Universe, but then they claim the contrary: that they're actually original MarissaTheWriter characters, Stanley Universe and Phony Indian Name. Distraught by this revelation, Chell Junor reveals another speshul power of hers, namely that she can jump into other people's minds, starting with that of Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez.
In Rebecca's mind, styled after Steven Universe, an episode is running, titled "Beep Boop I'm a Robot". In it, Chell Junor appears on the "broadway" of "Bitch City", while nearby, Steven, Amethyst and Peridot are walking. Amethyst notices Chell Junor and how her handles, inherited from Wheatly, are a tactical disadvantage, by capturing her. Steven tries to defend his position, but eventually resolves to cutting Amethyst's arms off, poofing her. Peridot runs away to a date with Ronaldo, while Steven leads Chell Junor to the Crystal Temple.
There, Pearl is seen dusting stuff off. Chell Junor assists with the tidying up, while Steven reveals that he poofed Amethyst, leading to a grounding from Pearl, which makes them both leave. Chell Junor waits until she meets Garnet, who proceeds to tell her deepest feelings, which make her think until she notices an alteration from the Crystal Temple, namely that it has been designed for six Crystal Gems, not five.
The sixth Crystal Gem then reveals herself to be the representation of Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez in her own mind. Chell Junor notices that she is not pregnant, and Rebecca mentions that her child has been overdue for two weeks and she may be giving birth any second now. True to her proclamation, she begins giving birth, and thus Chell Junor is left with no option than to teleport from Rebecca's mind to the hospital where she is situated.
After Rebecca gives birth, she considers naming her child Steven, but then the doctor, "Mrs. Mediks Mom", reveals that the baby is a girl. After a bit of confusion, Rebecca and one of her husbands, Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez, decide on the name "Rose Quartz Vasquez", and Chell Junor thinks of a way to reveal the news to her half-brother, Cranky Vasquez.
She thus turns to Bertha, who takes the time machine that she and Louise previously used and transports herself, Louise and Chell Junor (who, at the time, also decides she wants to be called Chell Joy) to Altair. However, in Altair the car is taken by Lately to escape, leaving Chell Joy, Louise and Bertha trapped. Furthermore, Bertha is called to a meeting by Candacension Pixies.
In the meeting, Candacension reveals that during her time, which has been revealed to be 388 solar sweeps since her and Bertha's last meeting, she read a lot of relevant stories and gained a better understanding of the Marrissaverse. However, this is seen by Bertha as just another attempt by Candacension to become the narrator again, and refuses to hand over the narration. What Candacension is able to do, however, is make Bertha think of Louise and Chell Joy, switching the story to them, just before a chapter break.
However, the next chapter doesn't focus on Chell Joy and Louise, instead turning to Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, where the souls of Janet, Jack, Roxa and Dick, collectively known as the Alpha Kids, are transformed into Alphas. Alphas assists Linux Travolta and Stephanie Universe in creating SkepneLight, a resurrected form of Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl, and immediately is promoted by SkepneLight to be the lead scientist, with Linux and Stephanie being fired.
Back in Altair, Chell Joy and Louise are struggling to find Cranky Vasquez. Chell Joy concludes that since they are in the far future compared to their last visit to Altair, Cranky is likely long dead, and that they need to go back in time. They attempt to do so by entering a concert hall, believing that music sometimes spans universes.
In the concert hall, they meet The Grubbles, consisting of lowblood trolls Xipher Triton and Dammit, whose last name MarrissaTheWriter has forgotten. As they sing, Dammit steps on a platform and is teleported to Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, being replaced by SkepneLight. As she is offended by another troll, a highblood by the name of Trixie Tetris, Chell Joy pushes Trixie onto the platform, but breaks the platform in process, and realizes she has to find another way.
Chell Joy turns to her power of entering minds, wondering if it can work across universes. It turns out it can do so, and Chell Joy, Louise and SkepneLight teleport to Rebecca's mind. While Louise and SkepneLight are left to their devices, Chell Joy decides to meet Garnet, where they enter "a blue crystal place where thought butterflies flew", and "Here Comes a Thought" is reenacted.
Once the song ends, though, Chell Joy and Garnet discover that they had accidentally created another fusion, Garnell Joy. Garnell Joy promptly unfuses, but the process of fusion has altered Chell Joy, to the point where her ring is an actual Sapphire gemstone, granting Chell Joy future vision. This ends up in Chell Joy going through a power overload before calming down and taking the narration away from Bertha.
Chell Joy thus makes it her own goal to "go through relevant information and discard everything that is irrelevant". She begins by teleporting to the wedding of her own son, Charlie Roberts, and Rose Quartz Vasquez. After meeting up with various characters, she then skips downwards the family tree to various weddings until the end of time during the Red Miles.
While Chell Joy has the power to go back, she decides to stay and survives the Red Miles, bringing her to the Third Creation, where she meets Candacension. They have an argument over who is more powerful, which Chell Joy wins, killing Candacension. That, however, leaves Chell Joy alone, at least until she meets two people that she doesn't recognize.
By using a power borrowed from Undertale, Chell Joy figures out the names of the people: Wheatly NEO and Insane Guy of DOOM, now known as Doombly. Doombly, as the reincarnation of Marrissa, expresses dismay in what Chell Joy used her powers for, before she reveals she also has the power to resurrect people, which calms him down and ends the encounter in a nice family reunion, after which the three begin creating plans to rebuild society.
Chell Joy thus compiles a list of people to resurrect. Before resurrecting them, though, she, Wheatly NEO and Doombly skip forward in time, so that they are at the Fourth Creation. Once there, Chell Joy resurrects the people and the three together found "the new city of Portal High School", with Business Lady and Doombly as co-mayors and co-principals. Then, everyone bows to the audience, and the fic ends.
Trivia
- The story has 15 chapters (counting the Reddit essay and the Steven Universe episode as chapters), which makes it the second longest MarrissaTheWriter fic after Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host. At the time, it was also the fifth longest fanfic written by ASBusinessMagnet, after Calliope's Update Girl - Book One, The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2), Spectators of the Host and Blooming Rose. Since then, it has become the sixth longest, being surpassed by Wonka's Paradise City.