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Library of the Damned/Quotes

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Being an MST site, Library of the Damned members have said many memorable quotes. Please note that only examples from riffs of MarissaTheWriter fics go here.

ITS MY LIFE!Edit

Marissa laughs at GLaDOS, reminding her that she is immune to the nero … nerdro … neuro … icky green farts.

- From Chapter 8

Marissa shows up out of nowhere, carrying all manner of futuristic crap including her portal gun, Companion Boob Cube, and Wheetly’s robocorpse, and no one reacts to it?

- From Chapter 8

Their first class is “jim” – I can only assume that it will be followed by “larry,” “carl,” and “patrick,” with a quick break for lunch before “gregory” and “lucas”.

- From Chapter 9

TEEN FORTRESS 2Edit

Wait, if they did things with the bodies of the people Wolf ate, that required going inside Wolf’s stomach and- Oh God! Why?! Whyyyy?!

- Alexandria "Goddess" Dominguez, from Chapter 10

Who even hands out artistic licenses? They need to be arrested for giving one to Marissa.

- Cain, from Chapter 10

Cain: How does one abortion?
Goddess: Well, my dear friend, it involves taking a noun, carrying it to a castle, putting it in the dungeons for 3.59783 days, then taking it out so it is now a Verb.
Cain: That somehow makes more sense than this fic does.

- From Chapter 10

*Smacks Marissa* Bad author! There are no intestines in your lungs!

- Alexandria "Goddess" Dominguez, from Chapter 10

THE MARRISSA GAMESEdit

FMAERZ?!” This is the best thing I’ve read in the history of ever!

- Cain, from the Cariture Bios

Reel fans” being Marissa-Speak for sarcastic reviewers.

- Cain, from the Cariture Bios

I really doubt [Marissa]’s familiar with life itself. She kinda just says hi to it once in a while then goes back to lifelessly pressing buttons.

- Cain, from the Cariture Bios

I guess if you lick enough space flies, anything sounds like a good idea.

- Ghostcat, from the Cariture Bios

I presume that electic stuff is synonymous with Science Powers?

- Cain, from the Cariture Bios

Syl: Are there zombies in this? Because I really hate zombies.
Ghostie: There were robot-zombies in the first one.
Cain: You can’t forget that the robot zombies are from “Andord hell”, where Zobies supposedly don’t exist.
Ghostie: But don’t worry, you can cure zombie-ism with potatoes.
Cain: But only if you eat one while dead and have the power to not turn into a zombie. Otherwise those turn you into a zombie if you aren’t one already. Or was it that they zombify you if you eat them and then die?
Ghostie: I think it was both at one point.
Syl: :stares at Cain and Ghostie in disbelief:
Goddess: *Hands over a Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster*
Syl: Many thanks.

- From the Cariture Bios

Interestingly enough, autocorrect actually knows what to do with “Winkwhinkstoryplotdevelop”."

- Cain, from the Cariture Bios

Honey, if anyone is a dumb, it’s you.

- agig, from the Cariture Bios

What is this “proper punctuation”?@!%%$$&##&–;$&-3%%6%#

- Cain, from the Cariture Bios

So what you’re saying is that either it’s shit or it’s shit.

- agig, from Chapter 1

She spelled flamer properly! SOMEONE GET SOME CONFETTI IN HERE!

- Cain, from Chapter 1

Not much, though. All this “licking” things. :shudders: It’s weird to associate babies and breasts with licking in the same statement.

- Syl, from Chapter 1

Goddess: Still not sure how he hugs her- oh wait, never mind. Not sure that bit was thought through.
Syl: She has electric milk?!?
Goddess: Also not sure that bit was thought through.
Ghostie: Nothing in this fic has been thought through.

- From Chapter 1

Hey, look, the Sueomitor is bugging out. I think she broke it. That bodes well. *Takes a sip of Gargleblaster*

- Alexandria "Goddess" Dominguez, from Chapter 1

*A chat window pops up on the main screen*
agigabytetheadmiral, 1822 standard military time: I’ve been rendered mute.

- From Chapter 1

Cain: A major plot of IML was GLaDoS trying to use some convoluted plan to turn Marissa into a Goth Emo. Was that before or after the roborump?
Ghostie: It involved getting a brain-damaged Chell to do a provocative dance, then Marrissa getting all depressed, and then Chell had her rump shot off so she couldn’t Booty Quake anymore. Or something like that.
Cain: And after the loss of her ass, GLaDoS (who had apparently survived being at ground zero of an explosion that killed everyone else except the two sisters and GLaDoS) convinced Chell to replace her ass with the robotic remains.
Ghostie: I think that explosion was the third or fourth time GLaDOS committed suicide.
Syl: …What?
Goddess: Don’t bother thinking about it. Those two are the only ones who have anything resembling understanding of it.
Syl: I feel dizzy just listening to them.
agigtheadmiral, 1826 Standard Military Time: Don’t worry, everyone does.

- From Chapter 1

agigtheadmiral 1827 Standard Military Time: Ahem.
It’s called a reeping.
Ghostie: Don’t make me get up off this floor and hit you.
agigtheadmiral 1827 Standard Military Time: Who’s the former leader of a successful black ops team, with some of the best combat training the Gemini has to offer?

- From Chapter 1

Syl: Ghostie does that when she’s angry. :looks down: Is this where you got that from?
Ghostie: NO!
Goddess: I think she’s in denial about inspiring this fic.
Ghostie: … I don’t think there would be enough Gargleblasters in the known universe to wash away the shame.

- From Chapter 1

“I’m just going to laugh as this guy I set on fire dies an agonizing death.”

- Alexandria "Goddess" Dominguez, from Chapter 1

Cain: What? Was that a spur of the moment thing or did he know that they were going to leave today, specifically, from their underground bunker, because the two previously friendly robots decided to do drugs?
Ghostie: If he was supposed to pick a third tribute, shouldn’t he draw a name out of the bowl? You can’t just point to a random person in the crown, especially someone who likely isn’t registered for the Reaping. I think she’s too old to even participate.

- From Chapter 1

Cain: Not that it’s saying much.
Ghostie: Or anything coherent.

- From Chapter 2

Wanking carfull? Sounds kinky.

- Alexandria "Goddess" Dominguez, from Chapter 2

Syl: Didn’t the guys in white armor die after being burned to death?
Ghostie: I think these are different guys.
Cain: You can never be too sure with the Character Blob.

- From Chapter 2

Ghostie: :waves: Good-bye, secondary characters I can’t be bothered to care about!
Cain: You’re implying you care about any of these characters.
Ghostie: Now you’re just being silly.

- From Chapter 2

Ghostie: Magic. Science. Train. With a booty salonist.
Syl: I’m not familiar with that specialty.
Ghostie: No one is.

- From Chapter 2

Syl: The doors talk?
Cain: I wouldn’t be surprised if the feces do, too. *Pulls a gargleblaster out of SDQF and drinks it*
Ghostie: I need Brain Bleach after that.
Cain: Don’t worry, our gargleblasters are a custom mix diluted with brain bleach.
Ghostie: Ooh, nice.

- From Chapter 2

Cain: Welp, that’s it, I’m done life-ing. *Shoots self with pistol*
Goddess: Not so fast. *Uses stolen stone of resurrection to revive Cain.

- From Chapter 2

Goddess: Wait, she zero mouthed? Yay! She’ll die of starvation!
Ghostie: She’s a Silence! Now we’ll forget she ever existed!
Syl: Not everyone watches that doctor show, you know.

- From Chapter 2

Cain: She… she… she just WORDED?!
Ghostie: … I can’t even.

- From Chapter 2

Ghostie: Oh, crapnuggets.
Cain: NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!

- From Chapter 2

Ghostie: She’s going to break her iPad like that.
Cain: I hope so. It’s an Apple product.
Syl: I don’t think it’s very sanitary for her to be getting her “thangs” into the food, even if it’s just apples.

- From Chapter 2

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