Hi my name is Marrissa Roberts an I was in Portal Labs two with Chell an Wheetly. This is my life!
- - Original summary of the fanfic
The name ITS MY LIFE! comes from the closing line of a Harry Potter fanfic named Phoenix's Life. The line reads as follows: "But Harry's body skimmed the surface of the lake and then, in a true blaze of glory, he transformed into a magnificent phoenix. And some say, as he soared into the sun set, that he yelled "IT'S MY LIFE" before he retreated into the clouds to never return." This line, in turn, comes from the co-authors of Phoenix's Life listening to the song It's My Life by Bon Jovi while reading the fifth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Marissa Roberts is a disillusioned Portal Labs test subject. She has been testing alongsides Chell, who was let out because of brain damage, and other entities such as Companon Coob and Wheatly. Upon one test, GLaDOS announces that the next test will include robots, Altas and P-Boy. Upon meeting, Altas and P-Boy start harrassing Marissa and knock her unconscious while smoking drugs and drinking beer. GLaDOS herself also has problems; upon discovering that she was once Caroline she became a goth emo and consistently attempts sewisiding. Before sewisiding, however, she announces that Marissa and Chell are sisters and that Marissa has speshul powers.
Reasonably shocked by this revelation, Marissa's true adventure begins. Upon mishandling her powers, she accidentally wakes GLaDOS up, and GLaDOS tells to search for Chell and Wheatly in space, noting that Marrissa has a power to fly into and breathe in space. Upon reaching space, Marissa finds out that "Chell" wasn't truly Chell, but instead GLaDOS in a disguise. They three then return to Portal Labs.
On Portal Labs, Marissa is greeted by Chell, who, because of brain damage, has been reduced to dancing and shaking her butt. Marissa promptly kills her with her magnum pistol, destroys GLaDOS with MEGA PAWNCH and reveals to Wheatly that she is pregnant, putting him to shock. However, Altas and P-Boy find her and attempt to shoot her, only to be rescued by zombified Chell.
She then turns Altas to a zombie and Marissa immediately realizes than one of her powers is super-detective and that they only could be made zombies via zombee taters. Chased by Chell and Altas, Marissa chances upon a prototype portal gun which makes portals to Andord Hell, and the story's plot moves there.
In Andord Hell Marissa finds Gabe Jonson, who agrees to help the main cast. However, Altas (who's no longer a zombie) and P-Boy have been throwing zombee taters to Andord Hell and creating a zombie army, with a reasonably sized denizen to guard it, and the portal to Andord Hell must be shut, but not before GLaDOS escapes and begins conducting tests again.
On the next tests, Marissa finds Companon Coob, and GLaDOS demands that she throws it to Andord Hell, or else she'll pump the room with neurotoxin. However, Marissa is immune to neurotoxin, and she goes on to the next room, finding Chell shaking her butt and Wheatly watching her. Wheatly, upon realizing his mistake, immediately drives away on his rail and Marissa realizes that she cannot fix Chell by her magnum pistol (it was taken by GLaDOS) and she would have to make her a zombie.
Meanwhile, Wheatly is greeted by Altas and P-Boy, and they three, intoxicated by drugs and beer, agree to take down Marissa. Unfortunately, they find that Marissa has become a goth emo and upon seeing Wheatly she punches him so hard she breaks him. Gabe Jonson arrives at the scene, claiming he can fix Wheatly, but finds he is intoxicated, and GLaDOS reveals it was her plan all along. Angry, Marissa uses her powers to blow GLaDOS up, killing Gabe and slicing Chell's butt off in the process. Then Marissa notices that she uncovered a time machine and goes back in time, hoping that she can fix her mistakes.
In the past Marissa finds Portal Labs in a slightly different state: Chell is no longer brain-damaged and Altas and P-Boy are not jerks (though, Marissa accidentally leaves Wheatly's body with them, making them into jerks.) Then Marissa finds Wheatly, who agrees to put her in the relax hotel and let her sleep until the future; that is, until GLaDOS finds out about it and unsuccessfully threatens to kill Marissa with neurotoxin. Then Marissa accidentally creates a black hole, sucking her and Wheatly inside and taking them to Portal High School.
In Portal High School, Marissa is greeted by Gabe Jonson and Caroline, who agree to take Marissa to the future with the assistance of the TEEN FORTRESS 2, most prominently Ingineer, who can build a time machine. Before they can do so, however, Gabe's evil twin Cave Jonson and his gang, the evil clones of TEEN FORTRESS 2, discover them and a fight goes on, resulting in Cave's death. Ingineer then tells Marissa he will give her speshul powers, but gives them to Caroline instead. As Marissa and Wheatly get in the time machine, Caroline is shot by Cave (who turned out to be alive, but Gabe is quick to kill him) and Gabe decides to build a robot body for her, named GLaDOS.
The evil TEEN FORTRESS 2 is mad at this development. They proceed to create an evil clone of Marissa Roberts, Assiram Strebor, to kill her. Before Assiram can go on her adventure, however, the gang asks her to do something evil, and she proceeds to corrupt GLaDOS with a virus that makes her evil. Assiram then sets off to the future.
Back in the future, Marissa and Wheatly arrive and find that Chell and GLaDOS have fused to a single entity, CHELLGADOS. Leading up to the fight, Marissa also finds Ratman, who has also been fighting CHELLGADOS and other evil robots, and the four proceed to have a fight. CHELLGADOS opens a portal to the moon, sucking Ratman in, and Marissa makes a black hole, sucking the GLaDOS parts of CHELLGADOS in. However, Chell is quick to die and GLaDOS, out there in space, sings a song named "Im Still Want You Gone" and is eaten by zomboys from Dead Space.
Back on Earth, with Marissa's guard down, Altas and P-Boy kill her. Distraught by this loss, Wheatly finds Oracle Turrent, and together they realize another of Marissa's powers: when she dies and eats the zombee taters, she becomes alive again. Back to life, Marissa finds Altas and P-Boy's hideout, kills them and proceeds to have a wedding with Wheatly.
After Marissa and Wheatly have their honeymoon, Assiram arrives. She first opens a portal to Andord Hell, claiming the zombee army as hers and killing the Queen, along with other City of Englond citizens. Then she finds Marissa and the final battle begins. First Marissa goes to Andord Hell and kills the Ultimate Zombee, then, Assiram threatens Wheatly but he successfully defends himself, and then Assiram and Marissa begin a "portal battle", warping to the time of the dinosaurs, the Death Star and finally Portal High School, where Gabe, Ratman and the TEEN FORTRESS 2 assist her in killing the rest of the zombees. Maddened, Assiram kicks Marissa in the tummy and Marissa kills Assiram, passing out in the process.
When she wakes up, she discovers that she was kept in check by the Medik, who also reveals that Marissa has given birth to a girl, who she and Wheatly decide to name Chell after Marissa's dead sister. The President then appears to give the protagonists medals and Marissa returns to Portal Labs, closing ITS MY LIFE!. The story of Marissa, months later, is continued in THE MARRISSA GAMES.
|MSTer(s)||Name of MST||Link to beginning|
|Ghostcat (on Library of the Damned)||N/A||Link|
|Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000||N/A||Link|
|Korekara||The Unfortunate Discovery of Marissa Roberts||Link|
|ASBusinessMagnet||MarissaTheWriter Second Anniversary "Reading"||Link|
|hatersgonnahatewheatley||Wheatley Does Commentary! ITS MY LIFE!||Link|
|Luna M. Moon||N/A||Link|
|Reader(s)||Link to beginning|
|Cat Bountry, Giggles and ThePowerPlumber||Link|
|auxiliatrixy / Marionetta Susette||Link|
|Mitchell00 and Beckophilia||Link|
- Before deletion from FanFiction.Net, ITS MY LIFE! had accumulated ca. 300 reviews.